distracted
I was planning to write an update about our math curriculum, but I am wholly distracted.
I tell myself not to worry; I'm an optimistic by nature. I'm always looking for the silver lining.
But I had to schedule a diagnostic mammogram for next Wednesday, after discovering a lump last week and seeing the doctor Tuesday.
I had expected the naturopath to poo-poo my concern, given my age, and my low risk rate, based on family history. I didn't expect the referral.
I didn't expect the spiel I received, over the phone, when I made the appointment.
It just hit me hard. I found myself startled when the words 'ultrasound' and 'biopsy' were mentioned during my intake interview; the implication sinking in. I met Greg at the door, weepy and nervous.
I feel less shaky this morning. I do better with facts than speculation so I vowed not to google anything else until I get this thing over with. I'd gladly step up to the machine this very hour, if I could.
Today there are groceries to buy, and a writing commitment that's flagging. Bathrooms to clean.
Maybe those distractions will bring me back into the present, where there is nothing to do but wait and hope.
I tell myself not to worry; I'm an optimistic by nature. I'm always looking for the silver lining.
But I had to schedule a diagnostic mammogram for next Wednesday, after discovering a lump last week and seeing the doctor Tuesday.
I had expected the naturopath to poo-poo my concern, given my age, and my low risk rate, based on family history. I didn't expect the referral.
I didn't expect the spiel I received, over the phone, when I made the appointment.
It just hit me hard. I found myself startled when the words 'ultrasound' and 'biopsy' were mentioned during my intake interview; the implication sinking in. I met Greg at the door, weepy and nervous.
I feel less shaky this morning. I do better with facts than speculation so I vowed not to google anything else until I get this thing over with. I'd gladly step up to the machine this very hour, if I could.
Today there are groceries to buy, and a writing commitment that's flagging. Bathrooms to clean.
Maybe those distractions will bring me back into the present, where there is nothing to do but wait and hope.
Comments
Because I said so. So there.
(If it helps, I made a birthday wish for my candidate to win, and he did. So maybe I've got some pull in the universe these days.)
I'll be thinking about you and waiting and hoping with you for the good news. (Hug.)
I am so impressed that you are not google-ing.
Praying for you.
Glad you have a good doctor who gave you a referral - better to know.
Most likely just a calcification, but they will check to be sure.
Praying for you.
Bad Mom, drag her to a movie. I hear the new Anne Hathaway movie is good.
Glad I did.
Your words make all the difference. Thank you.
I agree with Mrs. G, lotsa wine.
Mrs. G is so bleedin' wise - let's get out!
In the meantime, prayers.
I began blogging in 2004 when the same thing happened to me.
In fact, neither ultrasound or mammogram actually showed the lump, even though it was quite palpable.
It was surgically removed and turned out to be nothing serious. In fact the type of tumor it was (benign) can be caused by *breast trauma* which would make sense considering how brutal my then-toddler was on them (pulling, tugging,punching, pinching) when she was nursing!
My hope for you is that it is something benign.
Best wishes.
You are in my prayers. Try to breathe. I know it is scary.
My best friend got a similar report this week. It's a reminder to get mine taken care of.
xxox
Amy
Really - I get it, the fear, the anxiety. Remember --- most lumps are benign and all lumps get appointments.