Thursday, December 31, 2009

yesterday, goodbye

Of course that is not the lyrics to a Chorus Line's What I Did for Love but that's how I remember this song. It's one of the downfalls of public education, I suppose. Mrs. Potter taught me a repertoire of songs in the 70s, sappy ballads that I didn't understand but who can really resist belting out: Goodbye Michelle, it's hard to die. When all the bird are singing in. the. sky? I certainly can't.

Look! I brought you some jazz hands. You're welcome.

2009 was sweet and joyful; heartbreaking and disappointing. If you'll bear with me - and feel free to gag at the sweet sentiments - I've come to the place of knowing that if I was sad for a time this year, it's because I opened myself up and cared deeply for other people. I was engaged. And as painful as it was, I would do it again. I won't shut down. I won't let it shrink my world.

So, farewell to 2009. I'm ready to put her to bed and flirt with new opportunities.

Happy New Year, dear friends.

Monday, December 28, 2009


That thud overhead? Don't be alarmed. I'm pretty sure it is the boys - Zack and his cousin, Austin - playing in my room and I am pretty sure because if not, I have to entertain notions about vampires playing baseball upstairs or, Scary Thought #2: there's an intruder. I pick little rambunctious boys for the win, but I am unwilling to verify said theory because that would require rising up out of this chair.

And the chair is a nice place to be.

The sun is shining through my window and the mutts are huddled together, snoozing the first of many snoozes today.

If I had a cup of tea, I could probably justify staying here all day.

Yet remarkably, no one is buying this nonsense. I need to take the tree down, and plod my way forward; no more milking 'I'm sore from yoga' today.

And it feels good - this calm - on the last week of the year, counting down to something juicy and sweet, around the corner.

Tired, and hopeful, Monday just might be my favorite after all.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve ramblings, the Insomniac Edition

Well hello there. Dawn has not broken yet my brain just might be for I cannot sleep. This happens with some regularity; three a.m. rolls around and some switch in my brain gets flipped on and my mind races, typically with PLANS for the day or alternately, I think of zombies and Stephen King movies and run-on sentences.

(It's foggy here. I'm shutting the blinds.)

And because it is Christmas Eve, aka my Mom's birthday in these parts, my to-do list coupled with a sinus headache made the coaxing back to sleep thing impossible.

So here I am, packaging rum cakes and sharing my incoherent thoughts with you, dear reader.

I like the new Monica Gellar show. I find it funny. Don't judge

I am still searching for the perfect rum cake pan. I will know it when I see it.

I miss last year's snow. I just do.

I inherited my Mom's making-crafts-until-the-last-minute-for-Christmas gene. It makes me feel mentally ill and yet, I can't stop myself.

I am brewing up a Deep Moments with Stuart Smalley sort of post about forgiveness, which sounds meek & mild, and baby Jesus worthy but I am not there yet.

Speaking of not being there yet: We are church-less these days. We've been invited to several Christmas Eve services today. I don't feel ready. I feel broken.

I am thankful for my family, and my smart girls, and my sweet and exhausting dogs. The quiet, where there will soon be frenzy; the promise of a new year.

And maybe a nap later today.

I still believe in Christmas miracles.

(Merry Christmas! ox)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

best dad ever (a little love from Zack)

Zack crouched at the end of the table, stealing glances at Greg while he unwittingly posed, watching football.

Zack worships Greg. It is something to behold.

(It makes me ache when Greg is working long hours, and is far away. It makes me glad Christmas is nearly here.)

Wednesday, December 09, 2009


And just like that, the month rolls on.

My in-laws came to visit, and then we all went to visit a certain bearded fellow, much sought after this time of year.

I didn't expect my kids to really sit with him, but they did. They talked him up, poor guy.

I wish these days were longer, so I could get through work each day, keep the house clean-ish, do what I need to do to stay healthy and sane AND write, but I make no promises on this 24 hour plan.

Y tu? How are you holding up this December?