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Friday, November 07, 2008

distracted

I was planning to write an update about our math curriculum, but I am wholly distracted.

I tell myself not to worry; I'm an optimistic by nature. I'm always looking for the silver lining.

But I had to schedule a diagnostic mammogram for next Wednesday, after discovering a lump last week and seeing the doctor Tuesday.

I had expected the naturopath to poo-poo my concern, given my age, and my low risk rate, based on family history. I didn't expect the referral.

I didn't expect the spiel I received, over the phone, when I made the appointment.

It just hit me hard. I found myself startled when the words 'ultrasound' and 'biopsy' were mentioned during my intake interview; the implication sinking in. I met Greg at the door, weepy and nervous.

I feel less shaky this morning. I do better with facts than speculation so I vowed not to google anything else until I get this thing over with. I'd gladly step up to the machine this very hour, if I could.

Today there are groceries to buy, and a writing commitment that's flagging. Bathrooms to clean.

Maybe those distractions will bring me back into the present, where there is nothing to do but wait and hope.

21 comments:

natalie said...

praying.

Professor J said...

oh darlin'. I am holding you in the light.

K. said...

My thoughts will certainly be with you. I suppose they can't help it - there are schedules and other patients to see - but it always strikes me as the height of cruelty to say "lump" and "biopsy" and "next Wednesday" like those words fit together well at all.

Jennifer H said...

Over and over I'll be saying it's just a cyst, it's just a cyst, and that will make it true.

Because I said so. So there.

(If it helps, I made a birthday wish for my candidate to win, and he did. So maybe I've got some pull in the universe these days.)

I'll be thinking about you and waiting and hoping with you for the good news. (Hug.)

lapoflux said...

Oh honey. I hope that the waiting is the hardest part of this whole thing. My mum nearly went nuts waiting last year (I think she had to wait 6 weeks)
I am so impressed that you are not google-ing.
Praying for you.

Emily said...

(((((YOU))))) Hugs. Prayers. I will be thinking of you. I have been through this and have heard all the "cliche's" so I will not go there~ Just know we are praying and thinking of you. Perhaps a glass of wine might help ease the nerves :)

Tess said...

That's too long to wait, the anxiety will make you nuts. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. Nine times out of ten, it turns out to be nothing, but the waiting game is the worst. I'll say a prayer for you and send calming thoughts your way.

Sam said...

My prayers are with you. I hope that everything is okay.

Kimberly said...

Oh hun, distracting indeed!

Glad you have a good doctor who gave you a referral - better to know.

Most likely just a calcification, but they will check to be sure.

Praying for you.

Mrs. G. said...

I've been through this, Lisa. My advice is to just drink a lot of wine and zone out on the tube as much as possible until you find out it's NOTHING. I know it's impossible not to worry. Just distract yourself.

Bad Mom, drag her to a movie. I hear the new Anne Hathaway movie is good.

Lisa Milton said...

I had debated whether or not to mention it.

Glad I did.

Your words make all the difference. Thank you.

Saucy said...

We'll get through this. I promise.

~Swankymama said...

Girl, your in my prayers. Wednesday....God speed.

I agree with Mrs. G, lotsa wine.

Christi said...

Please let us know as soon as you can what you find out. You need GOOD news right now!!

stephanie (bad mom) said...

I'm sorry I slacked off and didn't get my mammogram scheduled, so I could give a useful report about it.

Mrs. G is so bleedin' wise - let's get out!

In the meantime, prayers.

brandy101 said...

I am sorry you have to deal with this.

I began blogging in 2004 when the same thing happened to me.

In fact, neither ultrasound or mammogram actually showed the lump, even though it was quite palpable.

It was surgically removed and turned out to be nothing serious. In fact the type of tumor it was (benign) can be caused by *breast trauma* which would make sense considering how brutal my then-toddler was on them (pulling, tugging,punching, pinching) when she was nursing!
My hope for you is that it is something benign.

Best wishes.

JCK said...

I'm sorry that you have this to worry about. Do know that many women go through this scare and it is nothing. It has happened to my SIL twice. She was fine. The good news is that everything gets checked out.

You are in my prayers. Try to breathe. I know it is scary.

Amy the Mom said...

Prayers headed your way.

My best friend got a similar report this week. It's a reminder to get mine taken care of.

Beck said...

Oh Lisa! I'm praying that you'll be fine - and you likely will. Most of these things do end up being pretty much nothing.

Mrs. Chicken said...

Thinking of you and hoping for a good outcome.

xxox
Amy

Minnesota Matron said...

The Matron will be sending energy and Buddhist prayer (it's the same, isn't it?) your way tomorrow.

Really - I get it, the fear, the anxiety. Remember --- most lumps are benign and all lumps get appointments.