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Tuesday, June 05, 2007

My dark heart

I get choked up sometimes. When I saw Zack searching the crowd for my face at church on Mother's Day, to give me a daisy, my throat burned. When someone outside the family unit whoops and hollers for my kids playing soccer, my eyes have been known to get misty.

[Between you and me, I shed a tear when the irreverent former vengeance demon, Anya, died fighting the good fight in the Buffy series finale. Did I just say that?]

I can be sappy.

But then I have the audacity to be all tough when it's least expected.

My friend, Carey, cried when our preschoolers finished school last spring. I stood on the sidewalk, calm and reasonable, which is usually her job.

And then my friend Tara posted this today.

Some friends have expressed concern that I will be bereft when Zack goes to school all day next fall.

And yet I feel ready, more than ready - is that wrong? Time keeps moving forward. I'm just going along for the ride.

[In other news, I have grown fond of Mr. Squarepants. This may be a sign o' the times - make peace with your Maker, y'all.]

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3 comments:

Sometimes weepy too said...

I doubt you will be bereft (you made me look up a word). Did you fall to pieces when Lexi moved on to full time school? You see the good and bad of kids moving on. I don't picture you rocking in the corner wondering what you will do with your day.

Enjoy your summer. After spending all day, every day with the kids I think it may be easier to let them be gone all day ;)

-Stu

I love Spongebob too. Patrick just slays me. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

Lisa Milton said...

I guess I feel lucky that I really did spend all their collective baby years focused on them. I think that helps. I don't have any regrets.

I loved it when Lexi went to school all day. SHE loved it.

That said, I feel a bit guilty (darn mother guilt I imagine) that I am excited about the fall, and what new things I might do.

Oh, The Joys said...

I can be both sappy and tough too. (And then it's all up for grabs when I'm ... you know... hormonal.)