little bit blue (my emo streak continues)
It started when the bus swept the kids up early and I didn't get to say good-bye. I had been doodling around on my laptop doing Very Important Motherly Things when I scooted out the door to see the bus turn the corner.
My kids were fine; they are well-loved and cared for. But my heart sank.
It continued when I opened up my google reader and I read Flutter's touching post, picking out the least skanky Bratz doll for the giving tree (it's a Christmas miracle!) or Beck's wistful post about her family being complete and finished.
I pictured the little boy in foster care in our neighborhood, that hangs out with us a lot. I pictured Bubby's toothless grin; our baby days are behind us.
I continued the cryfest from the night before.
I just feel so helpless. It's the coat drives, and food drives, and toy drives - we give to them all. But what about the other 11 months out of the year?
These thoughts rip me up.
My kids were fine; they are well-loved and cared for. But my heart sank.
It continued when I opened up my google reader and I read Flutter's touching post, picking out the least skanky Bratz doll for the giving tree (it's a Christmas miracle!) or Beck's wistful post about her family being complete and finished.
I pictured the little boy in foster care in our neighborhood, that hangs out with us a lot. I pictured Bubby's toothless grin; our baby days are behind us.
I continued the cryfest from the night before.
I just feel so helpless. It's the coat drives, and food drives, and toy drives - we give to them all. But what about the other 11 months out of the year?
These thoughts rip me up.
*****
By evening, my make-up had been repaired; a calm came over me.
I have to believe that our efforts matter; small good deeds make a difference.
I choose to try, to love, to give.
With a runny nose, and red eyes, but still.
Comments
This time of year is hard. Even when you don't have much, you still have so much. Some people don't have what we have: loving family, safety, warm homes, food in our bellies. It's so warming to celebrate our families and the reason for the season, but it's so painful to see the lack. So hard.
Just today, an older man gave me a genuine, kind smile at the post office today and it turned my day around...simple but powerful.
Its been weighing heavily on my mind. I have come to the conclusion that even if I can't give a physical gift, I can pray for all children (and adults) in need wherever they are.