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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

little bit blue (my emo streak continues)

It started when the bus swept the kids up early and I didn't get to say good-bye. I had been doodling around on my laptop doing Very Important Motherly Things when I scooted out the door to see the bus turn the corner.

My kids were fine; they are well-loved and cared for. But my heart sank.

It continued when I opened up my google reader and I read Flutter's touching post, picking out the least skanky Bratz doll for the giving tree (it's a Christmas miracle!) or Beck's wistful post about her family being complete and finished.

I pictured the little boy in foster care in our neighborhood, that hangs out with us a lot. I pictured Bubby's toothless grin; our baby days are behind us.

I continued the cryfest from the night before.

I just feel so helpless. It's the coat drives, and food drives, and toy drives - we give to them all. But what about the other 11 months out of the year?

These thoughts rip me up.

*****

By evening, my make-up had been repaired; a calm came over me.
I have to believe that our efforts matter; small good deeds make a difference.

I choose to try, to love, to give.

With a runny nose, and red eyes, but still.

11 comments:

Kimberly said...

This hits so close to home. This is our first year being able to give, instead of being the poor students in need being given to. It hurts. It just tears me up. How do you chose?

Adventures in Baby Fat said...

Hug your kids extra close when they come home. They know you love them. They do.

This time of year is hard. Even when you don't have much, you still have so much. Some people don't have what we have: loving family, safety, warm homes, food in our bellies. It's so warming to celebrate our families and the reason for the season, but it's so painful to see the lack. So hard.

CamiKaos said...

xoxo

Mrs. G. said...

I really believe the little things do make a difference. If I didn't, I would find it difficult to get up in the morning.

Just today, an older man gave me a genuine, kind smile at the post office today and it turned my day around...simple but powerful.

flutter said...

That is the best decision you could have made. Thank you for choosing well.

Mrs. Chicken said...

We don't have to stem the tide all by ourselves. Our combined acts from the heart do add up. And I agree - good to give in December, better still in June.

Stu said...

You have a great heart Lisa.

katydidnot said...

you are a rock star. the world is better for having you.

brandy101 said...

I just wrote about a similar topic and have been discussion similar issues w. a fellow mom-blogger.

Its been weighing heavily on my mind. I have come to the conclusion that even if I can't give a physical gift, I can pray for all children (and adults) in need wherever they are.

Cara said...

Just remember raising great kids is also a way to give back! Keep up the good work!

lapoflux said...

Thanks for passing along the Flutter link... living in Luxembourg we were so much less aware of the needy (it's a pretty rich little country). Here a boy in Stu's class told me he didn't have snow pants and I was ready to go buy some for him myself. Hard to imagine our babies or anyone's babies going without.