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Tuesday, February 05, 2008

and they update it weekly

Most of my drama over relocating has less to do with where we are going, and everything to do with leaving. Because I. Love. It. Here. Emphasis on the here.

Still, a girl's gotta face reality and when I am brave, I dip my big toe in and do a little recon on the area surrounding Greg's work, the two towns on either side of the I-5. I have stomped my foot and said from the start: I want to live in the funky, artsy, university town. But I started to wonder if I was being a snob, not giving the Simpsons' hometown a shot, so I found their online paper and immediately spotted a Crime Map.

Dear readers, I clicked on it and it lit up, Crime Pox everywhere. Like Starbucks, only these were crime reports. Scary, somewhat absurd crime reports that I am about to exploit for blog fodder purposes.

Let's take a look:

A caller reported that an intoxicated man was walking around the house with a fire poker.
Some were mundane.


A caller reported finding a zip-up bag containing drugs. An officer responded and discovered the bag was full of brown sugar. Some had seen one too many episodes of Cops.


A caller reported finding a man in his house. The man reportedly said "I've got your money" and fled with his black pitbull. Some crime reports were written in an unclear fashion. Did the unidentified man steal your money AND your dog, or was the dog an accomplice?

WARNING: SENSITIVE READERS, TAKE NOTE. SAD DOG REPORTS, COMING UP.

A witness reported that a man was aggressively kicking two pitbulls in the area. Both dogs were tied to a pole when the man approached them. A report was forwarded to the animal control officer. Ask Michael Vick if we are amused. We are not. I think a third of the crime reports mentioned pitbulls. Not kidding.

A caller reported that a chihuahua was caught in a trap he had set for rodents. The animal control officer was called to pick up the dog. It was unknown if the dog was injured. I'm going to choose to believe that the doggy is ok. But WTH?

A caller reported seeing three juveniles "smoking crack" behind a church. The suspects fled on foot as the caller was on the phone. Again, people, what's up with the meth? At church?

Clearly, my intuition was spot on. Tons of petty crimes + mean dogs + fights = Methtown, USA. I think we'll pass.

9 comments:

Stephanie Breuner said...

I don't know, sounds like a Vancouver police report to me. We got our car broken into on Friday at the Firstenburg Center at 3:30 in the afternoon. It was still light out. They broke out the passenger side window and stole Kevin's...LUNCHBOX! Apparently, this was not an isolated incident for them. Unfortunately, he had an external hard drive he totes back and forth from work to home. Not too expensive but he lost some info he will be unable to replicate. Evergreen High School, right down the street has a gang problem, and Monday I think I heard that the school was closed due to a threat of some kind. So, it may not matter where you live, in this degenerated world, we will all brush shoulders with bad stuff. Hopefully, I didn't just sound totally depressing, just hoping it puts some perspective on life no matter where you live-even though I don't want you to move either.

Lisa Milton said...

I think you are right: we have crime here too. When I worked at Borders, our cars were broke into continously & we tons of shoplifting.

And at our dear community center, we can't bring bags upstairs, because someone was stealing city equipment. (That's as crazy as the lunchbox...)

But I think I would choose Eugene over Springfield, in a heartbeat. Springfield is wrought with a serious meth problem. It used to be the logging part of town, and it never really recovered. Thurston is a nice neighborhood, but I still associate it with Kip and the shooting years ago.

You did make me feel a little better...

stephanie said...

Let's just say we don't want you to move, regardless of break-ins and "gang problems" and pitbulls. We can handle any issues as long as we're together! (Suddenly we're Laverne & Shirley, or Lucy & Ethel? Not Thelma & Louise...)

Sigh.

flutter said...

Uh, yeah. I am on board.

Suzanne said...

Meth is everywhere. It is the gritty underbelly of every small town, including ours. That said, I think you have a complete right to be "snobby" when picking a neighborhood for your kids. Snob on, man.

Kimberly said...

Is Forest Grove an option? I've been getting homesick for that place lately...

Don't move too far away, please!

katydidnot said...

brown sugar? seriously? puh.

Anonymous said...

Guess you gotta stay in the Couve!

T

Queen of My Domain said...

It always seems that they put the most absurd ones in the papers for all to see.