Most of my drama over relocating has less to do with where we are going, and everything to do with leaving. Because I. Love. It. Here. Emphasis on the here.
Still, a girl's gotta face reality and when I am brave, I dip my big toe in and do a little recon on the area surrounding Greg's work, the two towns on either side of the I-5. I have stomped my foot and said from the start: I want to live in the funky, artsy, university town. But I started to wonder if I was being a snob, not giving the Simpsons' hometown a shot, so I found their online paper and immediately spotted a Crime Map.
Dear readers, I clicked on it and it lit up, Crime Pox everywhere. Like Starbucks, only these were crime reports. Scary, somewhat absurd crime reports that I am about to exploit for blog fodder purposes.
Let's take a look:
A caller reported that an intoxicated man was walking around the house with a fire poker.
Some were mundane.
A caller reported finding a zip-up bag containing drugs. An officer responded and discovered the bag was full of brown sugar. Some had seen one too many episodes of Cops.
A caller reported finding a man in his house. The man reportedly said "I've got your money" and fled with his black pitbull. Some crime reports were written in an unclear fashion. Did the unidentified man steal your money AND your dog, or was the dog an accomplice?
WARNING: SENSITIVE READERS, TAKE NOTE. SAD DOG REPORTS, COMING UP.
A witness reported that a man was aggressively kicking two pitbulls in the area. Both dogs were tied to a pole when the man approached them. A report was forwarded to the animal control officer. Ask Michael Vick if we are amused. We are not. I think a third of the crime reports mentioned pitbulls. Not kidding.
A caller reported that a chihuahua was caught in a trap he had set for rodents. The animal control officer was called to pick up the dog. It was unknown if the dog was injured. I'm going to choose to believe that the doggy is ok. But WTH?
A caller reported seeing three juveniles "smoking crack" behind a church. The suspects fled on foot as the caller was on the phone. Again, people, what's up with the meth? At church?
Clearly, my intuition was spot on. Tons of petty crimes + mean dogs + fights = Methtown, USA. I think we'll pass.