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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

shadows

Another storm is coming in - the wind is rattling the windows while I fold clothes. The sky is dark. My Mom is between households, one foot at home, the other at my Grandma's place. It's hard for me to talk about the past few days. It's hard because my Grandma was a flawed, neglectful parent; she was critical of me, impossible to please. And we have her with us still, but under my Mom's care. Like a child.

Things are different now. She may not improve, return to her old self. I can't help but feel sad that she was too busy to make time for her family while she could. I won't lie: Beneath the quiet grief is a flicker of anger. There is so much to do and the burden feels heavy and our small extended family will be extended further. (My Grandma runs a business from home. I promise I will do a better job explaining the situation down the line.)

So. I look out the window and I reach for my kids. We talk about their day at school, fix snacks, admire the itty bitty pumpkin I picked up this afternoon. It's all I can do, I make these hours count.

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3 comments:

Stu said...

I remember when my Grandfather had a stroke. He was a physically and mentally abusive person to his kids, especially my Dad, who as the oldest of 5 took the brunt of it. My dad was the one at his side through all the years in a nursing home (he was an ass even in a home, just in a wheelchair). I was torn between feeling sad he was sick and that he was a bad man and was continuing to hurt my Dad in some way.

Even at my Dad's worst moments he was always a good Dad, very little like his father. Sometimes I guess we need bad examples to show us the right way.

I pray for peace for your family, whatever the outcome.

Spagirl said...

Don't feel burdened. You have enough going on in your own life and you need to focus on you and your kids. Lend your mother some support but you need to also take care of yourself.

Daisy said...

Isn't it amazing how the ones who were neglected and mistreated (like Stu's comment) are the ones that end up caring for their abuser? Hmm. That would make for an interesting read.

I'm sorry to hear about your day, but you did the right thing -- the cycle will now be broken with YOU and YOUR MOM. I have a crotchety ole' Grandmother myself (we call her the Grandmartyr) and she's caused such a rift in the family, plays favorites, etc, but when push came to shove, my aunt (who was always on the short end of the stick) was there to care for her. It's a strange dynamic for sure.

Love your kids, hold them, talk about your pumpkins and watch the storm from the safety of your home.