Tuesday, October 21, 2008

jenny O and a few simple words

She mentioned it casually, over the stacks.

She thought I was lonely.

Jenny's remark came bundled in a retelling of a conversation she had had recently with her mother, one where I had been praised for being the kind of woman - don't laugh - who was still 'cool' and my own person and not just a mommy. She wondered if I was lonely.

I chewed on this comment for days.

Who was I to complain when I have been blessed with a solid family, from the day of my birth to the one I was creating?

I was social. I was well-liked, generally.

Yet I knew she was right.

I had made little effort since I had becoming a mother, caught in a role that didn't fit like a glove. At least, not at first. Acquaintances passed for friendship. I hardly made time, between work and my family, to see old friends, true friendships that had passed the course of time. And I though I loved the young people I worked with, people like Jenny, my life with a husband and diapers made me different, in a different season of life.

It was time I start reaching out; friendship and companionship, my prayer.

At first, it wasn't easy. Our school had its share of cliques and I wasn't sure if anyone was on the market. I started accepting more playdates. My husband started traveling and I quit my job, which left me even more lonely for a while, but opened up my schedule.

I started showing up. I started blogging. I started.

I lost touch with Jenny some time ago. I came across a note she gave me over the summer, her words meaning more to me than she could know.

(I'm starting to feel older these days, a little further down the path. There's something about a remarkable younger woman looking up to you that does the soul good, even if it makes me blush.)

So, yesterday I began stalking I found her on Facebook. She has moved on and away and is getting married next spring.

I couldn't be happier for her.


Kimberly said...

We never know the impact a few simple words can have. They can cheer and uplift for a moment. They can change a life. Beautifully said.

katydidnot said...

seems like bits of a novel in there somewhere.

LisAway said...

You're a great writer. I have had the same problem with sticking to my kids. I think I use motherhood sort of as an excuse to not reach out very far to other people. Ugh.

But I love facebook and blogging for that, too! I now have lots of friends because of blogging. It's still different, though as none of them will be going out to a movie with me next weekend or anything (especially since I live half way around the world).

I read your comment on Temporary? Insanity and saw that your name is Lisa and your husband's name is Greg. I'm Lisa and I call my husband Greg!! (Birth name Grzegorz) Look at us! We're practically twins!!

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Facebook and blogging and iPhones! The coffee klatches of today!

Mrs. G. said...

I keep reading about Facebook...must not look.

I'm glad you reconnected.

phd in yogurtry said...

That's a question I thought only therapists could ask : ) So nice for you she took the risk.

flutter said...

this really does seem like the perfect groundwork for a novel

San Diego Momma said...

I need to start.

Sometimes I just have to be reminded.

(Thanks for this!)

Shana said...

I look at my 9 year old daughter with her BFFs and I am am in awe of how easy it comes, the making friends and being best friends and doing best friendy things.

I value my grown up friends as much as I value my memories of my childhood friends. If everyone had friends like mine, the world would be a much more peaceful place. We all need our touchstones.

JCK said...

Becoming a mom can be all consuming. It is the women friends who save our sanity, I think. No, I know!

How fun that you found Jenny.

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Bee Repartee said...

I started showing up.

wow. I can relate to this so very much.

lapoflux said...

I remember being the Jenny. Wow.
Showing up is good. Not always easy but good.
Beautiful post - how's the book coming ;-)

Mary Alice said...

We often become so involved with all that has to be done to maintain family life, that we lose sight of friendship and all that close friendships bring to us....when we are nurtured in our friendships we come back with more to offer our own families.

Suzanne said...

I love the paths that cross in the journey of life. Sometimes the fleeting ones are more meaningful than the ones that carry on mundanely for years.

susiej said...

That is quite a bit of a novel... a story still unfolding. You look radiant, by the way.

Jennifer H said...

Beautiful writing. Lovely, pensive, hopeful.

So we're meeting for coffee when? :-)

~Swankymama said...

My friends make me a better mom. I couldn't live without em.

stephanie (bad mom) said...

You are, indeed, a lovely writer/person/friend :)

It really is interesting how certain remarks just resonate with us.

Saucy said...

Blogging makes so many connections to wonderful people... it helps to show up here, also... right! It's so hard to keep up with everyone as we move through life, that's why Facebook is a dream sometimes. I've reconnected with old students and cheerleaders I used to coach. Amazing stuff.

Minnesota Matron said...

I think it's hard being home alone with the children while your spouse is traveling (and it sounds like you're still in that state). Love that you have this connection, and that you can put it into words like this.

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