www.flickr.com

Monday, October 30, 2006

I'm going as the Incredible Hulk

When I set up this blog a few months ago, I had to decide whether to write under my real name or to use some cheeky pseudonym. There are some advantages to being veiled, chief among them, I could say what I want without being personally accountable for my words. I can be wimpy, not assertive enough, but I think it is good to lay claim to your words, even when they bite. I take stock in making sure I weigh my words carefully--my mug is attached and I don't want to scare the tuna salad out of my folks. They raised me right.

That said, I get crabby sometimes and I have some things to get off my chest. I need to vent. Therefore, I must rant on behalf on mamas everywhere.

I will be the first to admit that I am not a perfect mother. I spent much of my first year holding Lexi in one arm and pulling my hair out with the other. I felt I bit off more than I could chew and inadequate to the task. I read books, prayed and begged for advice from mothers I thought 'got' it, the ones who seemed to have it all together. And you know what, I have become competent. My mothering is not perfect, never easy--but I wake up and muddle my way through. So, when I volunteer at the school, please treat me with respect. I have interrupted my bon-bon schedule to do unpaid work and I don't appreciate it when you scold me like a 6 year old. Come to think of it, don't yell at the kids either. It's ugly and unnecessary. And when my little boy changes his mind, that he still feels icky and really should have stayed home from school after all, please don't chide me. I am trying to teach my kids to make good choices. Yes, I am aware of the fact that we sometimes have to make those choices for them--that's why he missed his cousin's big halloween party and stayed home all weekend. On my lap. I am not an idiot. Like those before me and those traveling with me each day, I am doing the best I can.

Some days my mind swims with fear and guilt that I am all wrong for this job. Could you kindly not chuck me under the bus?

*The author would like to congratulate herself for writing the forementioned post without any bad words. She is making a concerted effort to make her Mom proud and tries to avoid certain choice words that are unsuitable for little Milton ears. She is, however, feeling far less cranky now...

No comments: