www.flickr.com

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

boy's best friend

I'm a rotten mother, prone to worry. I'd much rather be strong.

When Zack was a bitty, bitty boy, a doctor once said - while he was very ill - that she didn't think we'd 'lose him', something that hadn't even crossed my mind at the time.

It was the beginning of many lab tests and doctor visits and I've always thought it traumatized him. I know it did me.

So when he woke up this morning, one side of his neck swollen and red, with dark circles under his eyes, it hit me again: I wonder when I will stop seeing him as that fragile 2 year old? I wonder if it ever goes away, after you dodge the proverbial bullet.

*****
We had medical insurance when Lexi was a baby, but it didn't include vaccinations during her well visits, a policy hiccup that put shots nearly out of reach when we were narrowly living paycheck to paycheck. I sought mobile clinics, rows of mothers and howling babies and strollers snaking around a silver motor home parked in a vacant lot. It was the best way to get cheap shots.

I remember when Lexi was one, it took two nurses and my able arms to hold her down, her chubby little thighs lodged between the nurses'.

She was always the picture of health. Strong, vibrant.

*****
My boy will be home for a few days, as his body fights what the doctor believes is an infection in his lymph nodes.

We snuggled in bed this afternoon, watching a week's worth of Spongebob in one sitting. Jake curled his body around Zack, his boy, licking his puffy neck while Zack caught up on some sleep.

Somehow, watching my big teddy bear of a dog stand guard eased my mind.

9 comments:

stephanie (bad mom) said...

That Jake is definitely a Godsend. As wild & wacky as he can be, he is so very lovable.

Blessings to you & Zack <3

Fantastic Forrest said...

My Mom asked my Grandma once "When do you stop worrying about your kids?"

Grandma said, very matter-of-factly "When you're dead."

Somehow, I think you and I will manage to keep worrying even after that. Ghostly worriers.

Even though I know it's useless, I'll advise you not to worry too much. Love to you all.

brandy101 said...

Oh, I hope he gets better soon. Mine just got over a scary sort of GI tract thing, accompanied by fever, but no other symptoms. Many tests later they still have no idea what it was but thankfully she is over it so...I guess I dont NEED to know.

Suzanne said...

What a good doggie. Maybe we need one. Maybe every family does...

Get better, Zack... you sweet, sweet kid.

Shana said...

I'm sorry that your boy is under the weather? How are you? Weren't you on the verge of battling a cold? Or did you mojo it away?

Jenn@ You know... that blog? said...

I don't like that you called yourself a rotten mother. Quit it.

Fantastic Forrest's Grandma speaks the truth - you never, ever stop worrying about your kids. Ever! Just every so often, they reach stages where the worries you have about them change gear. Keeps it interesting to say the least ;)

Jake's a great dog. Great dogs always seem to sense what is needed most, don't they? My dog, who we got as a rescue 5 years ago, decided that her sole role in life is to be our protector, starting with Wee One, and working up in terms of age. For example, she barely raises her head when my husband and I play fight, but if we DARE pretend to wrestle with one of her kids, she tries to get her 77lb body between us (and often squishes the kid she's trying to protect). That she barks her "INTRUDER!!!" bark when someone knocks on an INSIDE door (like the bathroom) is a bit much though.

K. said...

Sweet puppy. I hope Zack is back up and at 'em soon and you're on to worrying over something else.

Worry and strength are NOT mutually exclusive, though, silly woman.

flutter said...

Dogs are just the best...right next to moms.

Stephanie Breuner said...

Did you ever finish reading Sacred Parenting, the book we started in our mom's group? I need to pull that book out again. I thought of it as I read your post and how God uses our kids to change us. I was flipping through the book and saw that chapter 13 is: "How Parenting Teaches us to Handle Control and Fear by Leading Us to Trust and Hope" I really hope I can learn to trust God to know what is best for my children, but have to confess, I try to handle everything myself, which usually leads to worry and thinking about worst-case-scenarios.