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Thursday, January 01, 2009

rudderless

I am restless by nature. Always have been.

Itchy for change.

I've turned to others over the years for insight and heard explanations: How growing up in a small town afforded me with a stability to try new things. Another friend - with a penchant for astrology, and cocaine - claimed it's because I'm a Sagittarius. She'd make offers to do my chart, between swigs of tequila and picking bar fights. But we never did get around to it.

(I don't remember her sign, but she was one flaky cokehead. I bet you're surprised.)

I feel like I've been treading water for the past six months, waiting for our house to sell. I've shed a lot of tears saying goodbye just to land right here - the first day of the year, the first day since we took our house off the market - and all those plans I made have evaporated, leaving me adrift.

Every time I have tried to write this post, I can't help but sound like one big Aha! moment. I can hardly bear being That Girl on the couch, describing suburban malaise and how she lost herself and how she didn't expect to be where she is today. The stereotypical everywoman on afternoon TV, because I am grateful. I'm blessed in many ways.

I just know I am supposed to be doing something, something more with these days marked with boredom that writing the typical resolutions won't mend for me.

So I trust that it will take some action, getting my hands dirty and moving my feet to find my way again.

I hope you'll be along for the ride.

16 comments:

Madge said...

i'm right there with you. feeling restless, lost,like i'm supposed to be doing something else, and then feeling stupid for feeling that way. or at least feeling like a stereotype.

The Girl Next Door said...

You are so NOT alone and so NOT typical. Take some time and read your old posts - you have a great heart and much to do in this world. And we are here cheering you on!!!!!

Mrs. G. said...

Happy New Year, Lisa. I'm looking forward to reading of any and all change. I love your new look.

JCK said...

But, you know that woman on the couch speaking of suburban malaise resonates with so many!

I hope you find some clarity this year, 2009! Things will make sense at some point. I am convinced of that.

Shana said...

Your new look is fabulous. I didn't realize you had taken your house off of the market. I'm sorry things didn't go the way you had planned, but I'm not sorry to see you stay in our neck of the woods a while longer (selfish, I know!) and I look forward to Saturday night!

stephanie (bad mom) said...

I LOVE YOU, friend! I'm so glad you're here, I'm blessed by your exuberance and your wit and your support.

Please arrange to tell me how you pimped your blog.

And, Saturday! :D

Jennifer H said...

I know that feeling so well (have been living like that for almost 2 years, or two decades, depending on how you look at it) :-)

I hope this year will bring the changes you want and need.

Happy New Year?

lapoflux said...

This puts a lot of my feelings into words - that girl on the couch, oh yes.
Here's to 2009 and the quest to find what you are looking for.
Love the new look, that bird is so cheerful.

flutter said...

with bells on, baby. With bells on

katydidnot said...

i will be along for the ride. wouldn't miss it for the world.

Tricia said...

I know the restlessness well and look forward to reading about how you'll get your hands dirty.

Happy New Year!

Suzanne said...

*sigh* I am feeling much the same. I'm hoping that I actually find a way to do all of the things I've already said I'm going to do... but have thus far failed in actually doing.

(flaky, bar-fighting cokehead sounds like possibly a taurus, just cuz I know one.)

so NOT cool said...

I have faith that you'll find your way and I'm glad to be along for the ride. :)

Lisa Wheeler Milton said...

I really can't take credit for my new blog look.

Hats off to Lena!

Stephanie Breuner said...

Can I jump in your boat and hang for awhile. Sometimes a rudder is not needed. Just a sail.

holly said...

ah. yes. i'm a *bit* ahead of you. in that i was there not long ago. but now i have a direction (of sorts)(okay i'm pretending i do). it's all cyclic, of course. we there, then we're not there (i'm not helping, am i...)

this too shall pass. you will find the thing you are looking for. :) :) :)

and i'll ride along. :)