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Friday, December 05, 2008

santa's elves do not shop at Michaels

I hesitated at the door. I had already been cut off in the parking lot and the aisles looked treacherous, women clutching 40% off coupons with a fortitude usually reserved for warfare.

I guess that's appropriate to some, those determined to lose their everloving minds during the holidays.

I guess I shouldn't expect much from Michaels. (Just ask Mrs. G.)

But I've been hunting for a pan for weeks now, the ever elusive mini-bundt pan, to bake little rum and gingerbread cakes for family and friends - oops, act surprised - and the Craft Store That Causes Psychosis had received new inventory, to suit my purposes.

I grabbed the pan and ran through a rat maze of aisles and boxes and wuzzits and whozits and assorted decorative shrapnel until I came to what appeared to be the end of the line. That is, until some very cranky, rather short woman peered over a cardboard kiosk, ready to bicker with me about who was rightfully there first, now that we had lines forming behind each of us.

Now, Reader, I pick my battles. If Cranky Grinch Lady thinks I am going to engage in her crazy on a perfectly sunny day in December, she is wrong. But if she thinks I am going to take the heat from the throngs behind me, she's certifiable.

After some verbal wrangling, I let CGL go ahead of me and suggested we all could take turns, getting some support from a gentleman behind me, regretfully sent into Michaels on an errand, and in charge of the people behind him, bitching and complaining.

We slowly moved forward as another register opened and the woman behind me starts asking - and please explain to me how I became Line Manager, in December, at Michaels - why we are in one big line, and were we specifically told to do it this way by the employees, and complaining. She began to interrogate me for the third time, even after I stooped to being curt with her, and I was ready to tell her to step right up and cut in front of the mob, but then I remembered my Invisible Cloak of Line Authority and realized my pan and I might never be heard of again.

I was done. I just stopped talking, and ignored her outright, which was hard to do. She tapped her foot, and kept complaining aloud - to me, to herself? - and I just stared at my pan, my precious pan, and wondered how my family would react if I came down with a case of seasonal agoraphobia.

18 comments:

Mrs. G. said...

"decorative shrapnel"

Exactly.

San Diego Momma said...

You bake little rum and gingerbread cakes?

I suddenly feel like a holiday underachiever.

mushroomvillagers said...

Loved this post! Even the title cracked me up. I had to read it a second time just to put another smile on my face.
Really.

Kristi said...

I love reading your posts! Keep it up.... You do such a great job describing what all of us have been through at least a time or two and that makes it so much fun to read. I hope the cakes turn out yummy!

Kelly said...

I know. Seriously. Holiday cheer, my bum. It's supposed to fun and light and people are supposed to be kind to one another and not stand around complaining about little tiny glitches in ones day. Sigh...

In more cheerful news, mini bundts? Sounds divine, especially the rum part.

so NOT cool said...

I don't think that I've ever been to a Michael's ... AND, I think it's wise that I stay away.

Oh, and yeah ... WHAT SAN DIEGO MOMMA SAID! ;)

brandy101 said...

What is it about craft stores, crazy lines and cranky line-cutting customers? The SAME thing happened to me last week in Hobby Lobby.

Some woman in a ski jacket who was BEHIND me cut over to the next aisle when that register opened and they said *NEXT person in line, please step over.

I shot her daggers with my eyes and just waited.

Beck said...

Cranky people in stores! That is why I shop online. That and there being one store in town. But I found mini-bundt pans in my one store, so I'm SET!

michelle of bleeding espresso said...

Ugh. Your little rum and gingerbread cakes better be *very* much appreciated ;)

the voice of melody said...

That pan sounds like something pretty special. Glad you made it out of there in one piece and your pan as well. :)

Suzanne said...

I also loved the "decorative shrapnel" line. =)

Don't ya just love the bah humbugs? They make Christmas a joy. Really, a joy. (And this is why I have decided to do ALL of my holiday shopping via laptop this year. Just so I don't go pregnant lady ape-sh*t on rude people in the stores. That, and I'm super lazy.)

JCK said...

I loved that decorative shrapnel line, too!

Saucy said...

Michaelsdiscountophobia.

We all have it.

lapoflux said...

The joys of holiday shopping... our Michael's isn't TOO bad, but it's still not a fun place to try and get out of...

Bee Repartee said...

I love that you wore the Cloak of Line Authority. I think it has a Wonder Woman emblazoned on it somewhere, yes?

How are the cakes? They sound yummy.

Dapoppins said...

I am not a very good line waiter.

I just stand there and tell bad jokes.


It is quite awful.

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