the ups and downs

The week hasn't been full of despair. Yes, I have been sad, and puked on, and I teared up when I asked a sales associate about picking up boxes today but I try to keep it all in perspective. I imagine my new house. Meeting new people. Maybe getting a job. I imagine gussying up a guest room and having company.


I picture my circle getting bigger. An adventure waiting.


Last week, the temperatures went from 53 degrees to 97 in two short days. The rains stopped and I got sunburned. And through it all, I had a low grade headache punctuated by a set of cluster headaches.


(I'm blaming the barometer.)

I discovered, writhing in pain, that laying on my face - no really - makes the pain bearable.

So, I found myself like this last week.

(Except I have hair. And a shirt.)

I left a 4 year-old's birthday party twice, sounding a little too high maintenance for my taste. (The sun. Is too much. I must lie down. Big baby.)
Lexi's choir practice at the senior center? Oh, I struck a pose.
I went to the grocery store in big shades, like some hungover hussy, and narrowly escaped playing yogi. I thought my clutching the floor might bring a little unwanted attention my way.

And I yelled at every car, every light, desperate to get home one evening. (The kids just called me 'Daddy'.)

I couldn't predict when the pain would strike; it was completely random. Last time I checked, the weather does not listen to my voice.

I don't spend my time looking for a higher purpose in pain; it's not my style.

But I couldn't deny it felt like a nudge, this stopping what I was doing and being still when my nerves were shattered and my stress level was soaring.

Or at least I gave someone pause last week. So happy to amuse...